I want to change the world through love. There are so many people struggling to ascend, to awaken and they don’t know what the fuck is happening to them or why. They just know they feel awful, it feels like the opposite of ascension. It feels like the world is closing in and you’re going to break for good.
So you either let yourself break and see how far you go, you keep trying to hold it together, or most likely, some combination of the two. There is an easier way to navigate this, which I learned the hard way. I learned how to allow myself to break while being both the observer and participant in my emotional experience. This allows the process to unfold, the emotion (energy in motion) to move through, without the terror that this feeling is “it” or “final” or worse yet “me.”
Sure, emotions can hurt like hell, but these are normal human emotions that need to be felt to move. Yet, we’re not taught this, we’re taught to be emotionally constipated. I have a theory, when we’re really little we’re allowed to freely express ourselves literally - emotions and bowels. Then potty training begins and we learn where, when and how to appropriately experience our normal, healthy, bodily functions. Around the same time (give or take a few years), we start being conditioned to not express our emotions as readily. Some parents comfort their kids when emotions arise, and some shame the emotions, but we all learn that the general public is not interested in our emotional releases. This is great - as a matter of fact it’s probably very helpful - would we want completely free release of bowels everywhere? Of course not! But the difference is we ARE taught were to go to the bathroom and we’re not taught where or how to release our emotions in a healthy way. Enter societal emotional constipation.
We think we’re good at holding in emotions, so good that we don’t even have to consciously do it. It just happens. There was one point in my life where I don’t think I cried more than a few small drops for about ten years, and I thought this was normal! Maybe it is normal currently, but it’s not healthy for our mind, body, or spirit.
This is what happens to the emotions we think we’re hiding: road rage, being cold to strangers, having mostly surface-level relationships, being defensive, self-protective, over-eating, under-eating, over-exercising, under-exercising, drinking, doing drugs, binge watching tv, unconsciously posting on social media, scrolling incessantly on social media, the list goes on and on. Practically everything we do on a daily basis that is 1. Not consciously chosen 2. Habitual 3. Not serving our body’s and being’s highest and best is an attempt to numb, hide, run from, or ignore our emotions. Emotions that are trying to TELL us something. They are wanting to communicate either a fragmented piece of ourselves that wants attention or an expanded truth to align to.
True connection requires empathy and compassion for self and other. If you’re judging yourself or others, then you’re not accessing your full depth of compassion - because it hurts too much. Judgment is self-defensive and protective. In my experience there is always another layer to access. Even after many years of healing and expanding, our souls came here for the opportunity to expand and will find any way to do so. If you feel like your wounds are healed, ask yourself what expanded place your soul is wanting you to enter as it’s likely that that’s the next area of emotional work. Every time we expand, we shed, and in that process we always feel deeply.
So what is wrong with us, are we all broken? YES! Our brokenness makes us whole, hang with me because paradox is at the core of all human experience. When we can see, admit, and love our brokenness as our wholeness, we allow ourselves to truly FEEL whole. Our brokenness is our shared humanity, it’s the part that lets the light in, we’ve heard that a million times, right? But it’s true, its the cracks that allow us to expand, to accept more and more as the truth of who we are - one shared humanity having an intense Earthly experience. We all came here for a reason, our souls chose THIS time in history - the rising of a New Earth.
Every time we go from expansion into contraction it hurts that much fucking more. It hurts like holy hell. It’s like falling on the pavement when walking as an adult vs. a two year old. The two year old does it all the time and is close to the ground. Sure there may be some tears but most of the time she’s just fine. The adult has a long fucking way down to hit the ground and sees life in slow motion on the way down. It’s completely terrifying because we know how bad it can be when we land. But here’s the thing, when I recently went flying across an intersection, I got up, looked at my hands and legs and was perfectly fine. The universe was reminding me that I will trip, fly, fall, skid, slide and still be perfectly fine. I am protected, as we all are. So this is a call to be brave, to feel it all.
To feel the terror and deep despair of loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, shame, self-loathing, the list goes on and on. It’s only through feeling these emotions that we can expand to the fullness of the human experience. If we are feeling these, then they’re in us already. Like Wayne Dyer’s saying “when you squeeze an orange you get orange juice” you can’t squeeze something and get something else, that’s just not how it works. So if the emotion is coming out of us, it’s in us. We all do it, we all spend some time hiding, negotiating with the monkeys, rationalizing. What if instead just felt freely. Maybe not all of the time, maybe not in the middle of an important business presentation, but maybe right after, as soon as you get home make some space for yourself and let out what ever came up.
It’s important to add that emotional release is not about someone else “hearing about it” or “paying for it". It’s about our own sacred expression. Many people repress anger because they see how badly anger hurts others. That leaves us out of choices - hold it in or let it out on someone? What about a more expanded option - releasing the anger, giving it voice, simply to move the energy? This looks like covering your face with a pillow, closing the door and screaming or going out to an open space in nature alone and letting it out. If you can’t verbalize, writing all of it down and burning it or ripping it into pieces, or going outside and stomping around. Find a local 2-3 year old, they will show you how. When we accept the fact that fear, anger and sadness are experienced by all humans, we can come up with creative ways to express and move the energy that have nothing to do with other humans.
Emotions only ever help us, they’re truly not here to kill us as we often think (likely subconsciously). They’re here to teach us, to move through us, to make room for what’s new. How about we make a commitment to each other to feel fully and see what happens? I bet magic finds us